How to Turn Negativity Around

With the New Year upon us, I have decided to repost this article to help those of you struggling with negative self-talk.

We all experience negative thoughts from time to time, but how can you stop them taking over? Here are some strategies:

• If you start experiencing negative thoughts, ask yourself ‘where is this coming from’? Can you back track your thoughts until you find what triggered the initial negative thought? Ask yourself, 'why did this thought upset me' and decide what action you can take to resolve it.

• Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel down sometimes. Everyone has bad days. Then do something to lift your mood. Read your favourite passage from a book, go for a walk in the sunshine or dance to your favourite song.

• Create a collection of affirmations that inspire you and say them to yourself often, including when you’re in a great mood. My favourite is: “I am honest, caring and a true reflection of happiness. So many people love me and I am creating a wonderful life”.

• Record your thoughts and feelings in a journal. How do you feel today? Why do you think you feel that way? Then choose the best moment of the day and write that down. Why was it so great? Think of ways you can create more of these moments in each day.

• Practice gratitude. What are some of the amazing things in your life that make you smile? Great friends, sunshine, magical moments, walks on the beach … focus on these instead of thinking about what might be missing in your life.

If you can’t seem to escape negative thoughts, talk, talk, talk to your trusted friends. Talk it all out. Vent until you feel better. Offloading will help you to let it go and it will also allow you to put things into perspective.

Sometimes feelings have an important message for us - anger can be a boundary warning, guilt can show us when we feel remorseful and hence reinforce our integrity. As you begin to acknowledge negative feelings try to listen to their message, and then allow them to be - giving yourself permission to feel and express these thoughts and emotions means they will soon begin to dissipate and you will come back to centre once more. 

The Power of Instinct

As an author, mentor and speaker, I have a responsibility to speak the truth in the hope of inspiring others to create a wonderful life; a life true to their individual hopes and dreams. I often talk to my audience about paying attention to the voice that speaks from their heart. This voice can sometimes be so soft it is merely a whisper. However this voice also holds the key to our innermost hopes and desires. The more we listen to the voice that speaks from our heart, the more power we give to it. This voice is what represents our instinct.

Instinct can also be referred to as intuition, and plays a large role in defining what it is that you want for yourself, and how to go about attaining it. It is important to know what you want because once your intention is set, that is when instinct will kick in and  guide you in the direction you wish to go. Watch for incidences that show up; unexpected encounters; an urge to go somewhere or look something up on the internet; a sudden flash of inspiration; an impulse to call someone.

Instinct can be valuable when assessing the people and situations in our lives. Sometimes we will pick up on a vibe and all too often talk ourselves out of it. This is where the logical mind can sometimes work against our inner ‘knowing’ by analysing with reason and judgement until we lose the ability to tune into our senses. Our senses can provide hidden clues to situations that are perplexing us however my belief is that when we are in a state of confusion we are not being true to ourselves – we are clouding what we sense as ‘truth’ with reason and logic, because we ‘should’ feel a certain way, ‘should’ like that person, ‘should’ want to pursue that path. When the word ‘should’ pops up it is an alarm bell that we have stopped listening to the voice that speaks from our heart. By becoming aware of our inner dialogue we clue in to the ‘language’ we have been conditioned to use, and thus have the ability to monitor our conscious thought process, so that when the word ‘should’ occurs we can pause and ask ourselves what it is we are agreeing to that goes against our instinct.

Have you ever had a gut reaction to something, then talked yourself out of it only to look back weeks or months later and realise your initial instinct was right? Trust and awareness play an important part in this cycle. Because once we become self aware, we learn to trust our instincts and begin to trust ourselves so that when we make a decision, that decision resonates with our inner knowing and it doesn’t even occur to us to question it.

One of my favourite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Trust instinct to the end, though you can render no reason” – because it is in the absence of logic that we find our truth."

How to Help Your Child Foster a Positive Body Image

Last week I spoke at Ravenswood School for Girls, Gordon, with the aim of raising awareness of the early warning signs of eating disorders to help reduce the incidence of eating disorders in our young adults.

It is a fact that 1 in 100 adolescent girls are diagnosed with anorexia and this statistic is disturbing. With this in mind, I decided to reprint my article about how to encourage positive body image in your child.

Children spend much of their early lives at school, an environment that can be competitive, with hierarchies often based on physical appearances. A negative fixation on weight and size potentially lends itself to self-destructive thoughts and behaviours, which can be triggered by situations, comments or events that bring up feelings of anxiety and worthlessness. These include family arguments related to eating (e.g. “You’re not leaving the table until you’ve eaten everything on your plate”), feelings of being misunderstood, rejection by peers (e.g. “Go away, we don’t want to play with you”) or feeling like a misfit.

Negative emotions can lead to unhealthy thought processes and feelings of insecurity around body image. If left undetected, these feelings can lead to the onset of an eating disorder.

In my book Why Can’t I Look the Way I Want?: Overcoming Eating Issues, there is a chapter dedicated to the early warning signs. These signs are often subtle and can be passed off as “normal” behaviour – unless you know what to look for. Common warning signs include avoiding eating in front of others, making excuses to avoid family meal times, obsession with food preparation and a change in attitude towards food, e.g. becoming vegan or cutting out entire food groups under the guise of wanting to be “healthy”. In addition, ritualistic behaviour when eating, such as cutting food into tiny pieces, insisting that meals are eaten at a particular time each day or obsessive use of the same crockery and cutlery is cause for concern.

There are also warning signs before the warning signs. If a child is constantly complaining of headaches and tiredness, or appears to have trouble coping at school, this could indicate there is something deeper going on. Emotional issues, including feelings of inadequacy, often manifest as physical ailments, so stay aware of any symptoms that persist or behaviour that indicates difficulty coping, such as falling behind in class.

Becoming vigilant about the early warning signs means there is a very real chance of catching the behaviour before it spirals from an eating issue into an eating disorder.

Here are five tips for parents and carers:

1. Eat with your child as often as you can so that you become familiar with their eating habits.

2. Watch for changes in those habits, especially anything that appears unusually strict and lasts for several weeks.

3. Listen to the language your child uses around food. If they start talking about diets or calorie contents, or complain that they are fat (when they’re not) this is a red flag.

4. Watch for a change in disposition. If your child displays hostility around meal times, they could be experiencing internal conflict towards food.

5. If your child eats large amounts of food constantly but doesn’t realise how much they are eating and/or aren’t enjoying it, especially during times of stress, this could indicate obsessive eating.

In the event your child begins to display an aversion towards food and changes in their eating patterns, seek medical advice as soon as possible so that they get the right treatment without delay. Early intervention is critical in reframing the mindset before it becomes entrenched.

Christmas Wish

To me, Christmas is about embracing the festive season and making it magical. Sharing this wonderful occasion with family and friends, being grateful for all that is wonderful in our lives and celebrating the gift of love.

Take a moment to look into your heart and as you do, let your mind wander back over the year to some of the amazing moments you've experienced; triumphs; joyous occasions when life surprised you; unexpected encounters; places you've travelled; friendships that have become important to you; and on. And recognise that these moments have profoundly shaped your year and led to where you are now. 

Christmas doesn't have to be about dwelling on what may be lacking in our lives. If we take the time to look at all the wonderful things we have now, in this moment, we naturally feel a sense of contentment and importantly, gratitude. 

Remember there are endless possibilities that lay before you in the year ahead - and you have the ability to create the life that is true to your heart.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say Merry Christmas; may your festive season be filled with wondrous moments, meaningful connections, love, laughter and happiness.

Choose Joy

"As you live deeper in the heart, the mirror gets clearer and cleaner". Rumi

Your values represent your internal belief system and creates the lens through which you view and interpret day-to-day experiences. This in turn creates what you feel inside and influences the nature of your experiences. 

I believe that everything is a choice - and that we can choose to live in our hearts, not our heads. 

Living from our hearts means trusting the future, having blind faith that despite pain and heartache, we will find a greater depth within ourselves to truly embrace who we are - and with that will come the ability to peacefully allow our hearts to navigate our journey.

I often talk about listening to the voice that speaks from your heart. One step further is giving yourself permission to live from a place of love and possibility. This is a joyous way of being, because it opens us up to what is possible. Instead of feeling despondent about routine and monotony it creates a sense of curiosity and sparks our imagination, creating meaningful connections and experiences. 

Choose to immerse yourself in the glorious richness of life. When you live from a place of love and possibility, magic happens.